Grab your Go Bag.
Tsunami turns into a hurricane?
Find your Go Bag.
You ran out of ranch Wheat Thins and celery with peanut butter and two armed robbers just broke into your house, possibly wielding automatic weapons?
Go Bag it.
Rika, what’s a Go Bag?
Silly reader, a Go Bag is a shady duffel bag full of cash that you grab in case of emergency. It has passports, firearms, permits for said firearms, maps, credit cards, bank statements, a digital camera, etc. It’s the thing you have under your bed, in your closet, in your trunk, under the floorboards, or in your air conditioning vents.
Packing the Go Bag is a time-honored tradition among those of us who would like to survive, if, y’know, there’s an emergency. Which there are. All the time.
Rika, what should I pack in my Go Bag?
That’s not the right question to ask. The right question to ask is “What SHOULDN’T I pack in my Go Bag?” Because really, if you want to be prepared you’d pack everything. But sometimes you need to pack light.
Remember, you’re going to need different types of Go Bags for different types of Emergencies. I always have two packed and ready to go at all times.
GO BAG ESSENTIALS
Every type of Go Bag should have these ingredients.
- Water: You can only last three days without water, so pack lots of it! That way you have more time to work your survival magic.
- Food: This is a no brainer. But remember, if you bring canned food, bring a can opener. It’s not funny when somebody starves to death with a backpack full of canned corn and pineapple.
- Water Purification: Face it, even for you bodybuilders, water is pretty darn heavy. Water purification will allow you to get clean water anywhere, anytime.
- Currency: Now I’m not just talking about cold hard cash here, anything of value will work. Ammo is PERFECT if the apocalypse is around the corner. Haven’t you seen a zombie movie? They go through rounds of ammo like nobody’s business. But, if you’re traveling overseas, you might want to pack some foreign currency. Sure, you can exchange US bills, but what if the currency rate is terrible? Also, packing gold or silver is a good idea, because it always will have more value than green paper.
- Matches: When man discovered fire, his first exclamation was: “Oh, man, this would be an AWESOME addition to my Go Bag!” Because it’s fire. Seriously. Want to ward off wild animals and/or zombies? Build a giant bonfire. Electricity won’t exist forever if zombies take over.
- Maps. If you get lost, you might not want to ask the zombies or other undead creatures roaming around town. Their directions are worse than your spouses’ directions. And, chances are the GPS isn’t working.
- Hygiene products. Like toothbrushes, toothpaste, and bars of soap. Y’know, if you have to go skinny dipping in a river. An apocalypse doesn’t even have to happen for this to occur. Swimming naked in nature can be oddly empowering. Not that I would know.
GO BAG #1: Fleeing the Country/Long Term Go Bag
So you got on the wrong side of the law. Maybe you’re getting framed. Maybe you’re being hunted by the CIA. I don’t want to know. Well, you’re going to need to leave, fast! To make your slick intercontinental getaway, here’s what you’ll need:
- Passports. It would be ironic if the only thing stopping you from leaving the country is not having a passport opposed to being arrested for something you did.
- LOTS of International Currency/Gold/Silver. What if you have to pay off a security guide to not arrest you? Money buys freedom sometimes!
- Credit Cards. Travel is expensive!
- Hair Dye and Eye Color Changing Contacts. Everybody knows you have to change your identity!
- Two different jackets. That way, if you need to look like you brought a change of clothes with you, you have two different jackets to wear to mix and match. And they help if you get cold.
- Hotel sized shampoo/conditioner/lotion, etc. Say thank you to your friendly neighborhood terrorist today for making airport security incredibly annoying! Since you’re going to be in and out lots of airports and still need hygiene products, you’re going to have to get lots (and I mean lots) of the travel-sized size so you can bring it on your carry on. Because you don’t want to part with your Go Bag. EVER.
- Language translating device. Χρειάζεστε αυτό. Quick, what does that say? Your life is DEPENDING on it! ….see? That’s why you need a translator or a language book. So you can read Greek signs that tell you which way Disneyland is.
GO BAG #2: Flash Go Bag
Now I call this the Flash Go Bag not just because it can be used in case of a flash flood, but it helps you leave as quick as possible (you can leave in a flash! Get it?) when you can’t get to another part of your house to grab another of your more substantial Go Bags. This thing travels light, but its got all the essentials to help you survive until your home is safe again.
This bag is good for when burglars/murderers break into your home, the plague is sweeping through the city, the undead have broken into your house while you were sleeping, or your ex is back in town.
- Gun. Preferably one you know how to use. And don’t forget lots of ammo.
- Flash light. Because… if you’ve got to leave in a flash… you need to have your flash light! Get it?! And because flashlights are just as cool as puns. And don’t forget spare batteries unless you’re really high tech and your flash light is solar powered.
- Condensed and dehydrated food. Because canned food is too heavy. And dehydrated milk is just so yummy.
- Flares. You need to communicate to the world that you’re leaving your home, or that you’re the last one alive. People need to know because you’re so awesome at surviving, right? And everybody knows when you survive something you get famous. Unless you’re Jeff Probst. Then you’re just famous because you’re you.