Dr. Pepper

So, as we all know, Dr. Pepper is definitely the greatest beverage in the world.

I mean, what can’t you do with Dr. Pepper?

You wake up every morning and say “I want a Dr. Pepper!” Just because it is so awesome!

You get to school, and are sitting in the library with nothing to do, yet so close to that vending machine with some of the coldest and sweetest Dr. Peppers in the world, and just think “I have to have one!”

If that vending machine is sold out, you go to the next one, though still disappointed that you can’t have the coldest Dr. Pepper. But what if they’re both sold out? This can then bring on massive depression, and health issues from not getting your dose of Dr. Pepper. There is then only one way to cure that depression or health issue: You must find Dr. Pepper!

Now, because some stupid idiot didn’t come to fill  the vending machine, you have to run all around campus, just looking for some random kid who brought Dr. Pepper to school, and is selling it for five times what you could buy it at a store for. But, nevertheless, you pay him $5 for that Dr. Pepper, and you finally have the medicine you need to get you through the next few hours without having a nervous breakdown, or going Columbine on everyone, just for not having a Dr. Pepper.

Lunch time comes around, and you have to go find that dealer again, and get some more high-priced Dr. Pepper. But, it’s totally worth it! Hence: “Dr. Pepper.”

But then you go home, and are hanging out with your family, and they decide you’re going out for dinner tonight. Because you’re family members are apparently retarded, they take you to a place that carries Mr. Pibb, not Dr. Pepper. Mr. Pibb is the world’s most evil drink, because he will brainwash you into thinking that you are drinking the liquid awesomeness that is Dr. Pepper, but then all of a sudden, you’re stomach will turn inside-out in pure refusal of some terrible impostor substance that you are forcing upon it. Then, just as you are about to pull out your machine gun to take care of those crazy people that served you such crap, you see a whole bunch of Coca-Cola loving FBI weirdos walk in, and you have no choice but to quietly leave, and go home to drink a good 2 liters of Dr. Pepper just to appease your stomach.

You top off the night with a good ol’ Dr. Pepper-Float, and all is well.

Remember:

• Drink Dr. Pepper
• Always be able to get it
• Never go anywhere where Dr. Pepper is not available
• And BEWARE Mr. Pibb!

This is Mr. Agent Dr. Pepper: Advising you to drink Dr. Pepper…or else!